A quick note from the end of 2012. Kids: They've got it figured out.

My random little weekend reflection as 2012 approaches its end. You want to know why young kids are always so happy, and bounce back quickly after being unhappy? It's not because they haven't learned stress. They have - their stress is just proportionate to their age. When you're 5, getting in trouble and not getting dessert seems seriously stressful and analogous to how stressful something major/life-changing might be to an adult. Yet, kids shake it fast and try again with a smile. Why? When they finally realize that nothing they do, no tantrum, is going to change the fact that they're not getting dessert...they accept what they cannot change, let go, and shift their focus onto something new and new possibilities in days ahead. Why shouldn't we?

If you really stop and look at people who are stuck in unhappy places, you'll see that these people have an extremely hard time letting go of their own suffering. "That's ridiculous," you say, "If given the choice why would any person choose not to let go of the suffering or negativity in his or her life?" Although unfortunate, it's very simple, really. Out of a fear of the unknown and without recognizing what they're doing, many people prefer a suffering that is familiar to any newness that is unfamiliar and thus inherently brings about some element of risk. The bottom line? Not making decisions because they're hard or scary is making the decision, and while there are surely necessary vs unnecessary risks if you go through the entirety of your life not taking any risks at all in order to play it safe, you just took the biggest risk of all. You're risking regrets. Here's a shocker: you are responsible for your life and you cannot possibly know what's right until you also clearly know what's wrong - so wake up, have some right and some wrong in your life, and live it! Happy Saturday, y'all.

Not a girl for resolutions, but all about reflections.

I've never believed in "resolutions," but always in "reflections." Reflecting is an open-ended culmination of tangible experiences and how our actions have impacted and shaped them; for me, lasting positive change(s) means remembering where I've been and how it relates to where I want to be going--it doesn't mean saying "I will/won't _____ in 2014." For me, that's intangible and broad, and lasting change means scaffolding for myself new ways of thinking about things and taking apart any habits that aren't positively impacting my life. Old habits die hard when we try to "break" them; but, they will dissipate when we take them apart piece by piece. Everything starts and ends with the mind and our habits of thought. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

I really don't care about "New Years" - on any given day (you and) I can make the choice to improve or worsen. That said, since I'm always reflecting and/or journaling anyway (See picture to left - yes, I write for "fun" and always will; although, it isn't really that it's fun it's that I just...have to...words hit the page and the rest is history or something) I'm thinking I might just post a reflection-a-day or so - until Jan 1...for whatever purposes. My own, really. And because I think if more people showcased on their "walls" their imperfections - balancing it with strengths, but not solely "keeping up with the Jones'" as 95% of people wind up doing without even realizing it (TIME and Harvard have both done studies on how FB has changed our brains; this isn't just my yogi-ness speaking...but, that too) ...I think people would see that we're all human and the only person you should be better than is the person you were the day prior. My first reflection to keep in mind going forward ("in 2014")...

1. Don't react, step back, then act.
There's a lot of power in just "sleeping on it," or even simply declaringa few hours before responding to any given person/entity about any given thing, regardless of pressure. Almost everything in life can freaking hold its horses; if I've learned anything, it's that. So commonplace is a false sense of urgency. Also making this harder, I think, is this Godforsaken era of too much "contact" and too little COMMUNICATION. These are not the same thing. Human beings were meant to speak. Interpret body language, facial expressions, tone. We were also meant to have off-switches, and the ability to be fully in a given moment. Screen-free. Now, with 35023 types of social media, email accounts, work systems, instant messengers, etc...people have grown to expect immediate responses and we live in an era of immediate gratification. For me, more positive responses to stressful situations/people/experiences is a matter of simply eliminating the rush factor. And if that's a problem, it will no longer be mine. There's a saying, "if the culture doesn't work for you, don't buy it." So, there it is. 

(Trying to go back and find things from my Facebook, so that I can compile them here. I'm always writing, and always losing my writings.) So, this blog is going to be a lot of random ramblings, in no particular order...and probably without an overall theme. Ha, hopefully no one really sees it. In a few years, I'll begin one cohesive work. ;)

Letter to my Non-Existant Daughter: Love in a Time of Lust

Just to be clear: unlike the others, THIS pic is NOT me. Ha!

Random, but stuck in traffic en-route to SD and someone asked me today how I "resist the urge" to post revealing "selfies" all over my Facebook, since it's so commonplace that guys are hardly even phased anymore by pics like that. I'm sure no one will read all this, but I intend to make my potential future daughter read it-- and up my street-cred for having written it at my current age and while SINGLE. The start to my answer would be as follows:

1: I hope to have kids someday. Times are changing and chances are my kids will be my Facebook friends and probably at a younger age than I'd currently anticipate. If I have a daughter I want her to be able to appreciate that while imperfect, her mom isn't a hypocrite and can feel plenty-sexy without countless bathroom mirror pics reeking of desperation and seeking validation; that sexy doesn't have to mean slutty or super suggestive for ALL eyes (and specifically, on the web.) Save that side for the guy who's got a hold on you-give HIM something that others don't nonchalantly get. Stoke HIS ego a little, after all - wouldn't/shouldn't his opinion in that department be the only one (besides your own) that matters anyway? Quality, not Quantity. Past that, when it comes to public pics some element of mystery to be left to the imagination and/or reserved for THE (singular) guy lucky/special enough to get that side of you...that's sexy. It's sexy because it's something only he gets and it shows you know your worth and impact. Who cares about "likes" from 20 other dudes. If you really need "likes" to keep confident, and the only way your male Facebook friends "like" your pics is when they're obviously sexual or cheap-looking or whatever--maybe it's time for friends of higher quality or greater depth? Guys who think you're sexy and gorgeous in your real-world everyday life, doing what makes you come alive? Just a thought. I don't want my daughter lowering the bar, I want her raising it.

2. Simplicity is sexy, and a happy, healthy (fit and mentally healthy) girl IS a sexy girl. Sexy in a lasting, captivating way. Not a wham, bam, thank you, ma'am...way. A (male) friend of mine posted something on this the other day. Essentially: girls you f*ck versus girls you marry. Blunt, but true and fair. There's a difference and it usually comes down to uniqueness and discretion when under the public eye--both of which come down to confidence. Rappers say it well: freak between the sheets, lady in the streets. ;) (Ha. I joke, I joke. But y'all get the idea and probably aren't even reading anymore anyway.)

3. I feel sexiest when being most true to myself. I know I'm picky about men and that I'd gladly let the guy I'm with have access to that stuff--that to me feels authentic. Not putting it out there in an empty way and for the whole world. To me, it just ends up being clutter and blending in. It also eliminates the mystique and intrigue. Why would I try to be the same as everyone else, if I expect a guy to find me exceptional?

4. If a pic should surface from time to time...and ones of the more sexual nature...I want her see me being head over heels and acting like that for and with her dad. Not just anyone. Because really, I won't marry someone who isn't my everything and with whom I won't want to get it on for a lifetime. Rather her see that, and sexy or tipsy moments in those contexts...than a lack of self-respect or low standards.

Cheers. Now, unborn daughter, go be yo' naturally sexy self.

Some things I've learned in my ~26 years. This hardly scratches the surface - I'll add as I go.

#1: Always be a badass. Just kidding. Unless you wear it well, in which case go on with your badass self. Moving on...

-Be mindful of the difference between running from something (avoidance), and running to something (progress). The former will prevent the latter; choose wisely. And when you don't, because at times you won't, embrace that and don't beat yourself up. Simply back up, start again, or both. It's only failure if you refuse to address it, and it's often impossible to recognize your own "running from something" vs "running to something," until you've done at least one of each. Only then can you appreciate the difference and use it to help yourself going forward.

-Do nothing out of fear of the unknown and never surrender an opportunity that feels right in your heart, to security that doesn't. If you feel pulled to something (or the reverse), there's a reason. Know and hear yourself. Your heart and your mind are like a system of checks and balances. When one is overworked or used for the wrong reasons, the other kicks in to help balance it out and in turn make you a "balanced" person. Pay attention to that, and also appreciate that part of living a balanced life means from time to time losing balance. Some things should be logical, some shouldn't. Roll with it.

-So long as you have a pulse, it's never too late. For anything. If there's air in lungs, nothing cannot be reversed or addressed. It's okay to feel discouraged, but realize that being discouraged does not mean that you're defeated.

-Never refrain from telling someone how you feel, whatever situation, whatever person. There would be a lot more passion and a lot less doubt in this world if people let go of saving face and just said what they wanted to say, 100% of the time. Whether it's romantic feelings or even an apology, whatever it is: say it and then let go. Don't worry about how something is received, if you wanted to say it and did, then you did the right thing. Has it led to "open mouth/insert foot" moments (for me)? Without question. But the funny thing is that I never regret them. I just don't. Even if I've made myself feel exposed/look stupid/you name it. For better or worse at the time I said it, it's what I thought and that's enough for me to sleep soundly. We're not supposed to always agree with what we've said/done in the past - that doesn't mean we shouldn't have said or done it. It's the only way to grow.

-Get comfortable being uncomfortable. The only people who see the whole picture are the ones who step out of the frame, so be bold. Build your life. Force yourself out of your comfort zone and do it somewhat regularly. It's on you to make your life count.

-Pride, not ego. If you care about something/someone, fight for it or for the person. It takes practice to begin knowing when to step up and when to back down, but don't just shy away. Especially in relationships. Expect the same in return. Some people aren't meant to stay, but some are. In either case, never view or treat truly good people as disposable. Do learn to pick your battles, life is too short and uncertain to sweat the small stuff (which we often don't realize we're doing until faced with an actual big thing. Then, suddenly the petty crap looks like just that: petty, insignificant crap that doesn't matter.) That said though, if something or someone matters, welcome that "fight."

-Challenge and be challenged.

-Choose wisely the company you keep. Quality, not quantity. This isn't the norm, but when all is said and done the people with seemingly 5 million best friends...often have very few, if any, REAL friends. One real friend is worth an infinite number of sheer "bar-friends" who just happen to be convenient/local/etc. You'll know real friends when you find them, and when you do: cherish and prioritize them. Always be open to new people, but keep your old loyalties while possibly adding new ones.

-However strong you think you are, you're stronger. Be open to that.

-Always remember that prolonged indecision is more taxing and stressful than would be the potentially "bad" or "wrong" decision. (And in a certain sense, indecision is a decision.) You'll be surprised to discover that simply making the call, even if it proves to be the wrong one and while still being scary, will bring relief in and of itself because that is when you'll be able to channel your energy somewhere - you'll have regained a certain amount of control. So what if you later come to find that the other option would have been the better of the two? It ain't over til it's over. You have little to lose in this life, IF you welcome every person you meet as a potential teacher and every experience you encounter as a potential test - and the purpose of a test should be nothing more than to show you what you know as well as what you still need to know. Whatever you do, don't attempt to avoid making decisions because they're hard or you're torn. Drawn-out indecision is paralyzing, so don't fall into the trap. We all have, but work to do it less and less. Be bold.

-Real life doesn't happen with a pencil/paper, and you are graded through growth. Nothing else. Sometimes, you really just have to roll the dice and see what happens. Tackle the rest as it comes.

-Fairy tales come true only if you go after it. Real-life fairy tales have setbacks along the way. Expect that, and keep going.

-Mistakes are underrated. Playing it safe is overrated. Both notions fall within reason, but don't fear mistakes, make them. Lots of them. Just try not to make the same ones. Find new ways to screw up, because what you'll likely notice is that while you're seemingly finding new ways to screw up thing A, you're subsequently finding new ways of being better at thing B. Life's funny like that - and that's another thing: find the humor as much as possible and as often as possible. Chances are, it's there. You just have to be willing to see it.

-Be open to criticism, but keep in mind that not all criticism is accurate and not all suggestions should be taken. When you're wrong, say it. When you're not, say it. When you're not sure, say that you need some time to think it over and then TAKE that time. Never be too quick to apologize nor overly-apologetic. When you owe an apology, give it. Don't put it off or let ego surpass pride. But again, when it comes to apologies - think it over first. They mean more when given selectively. Your word is your worth, so make it mean something. Never apologize to avoid an argument or because you're afraid you'll lose something or someone if you don't. Keep your spine while remaining flexible. You cannot lose someone for being true to yourself. If you do, you never had them. Be okay with that. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever, and not everyone can be.

-Tell the truth, say what you mean and mean what you say, and do what you feel is right - even if it turns out to be wrong. With genuine intentions, you can never GO wrong. You can be wrong, but there's a difference. You do have to treat people with compassion, but you do not have to be perfect to be worthy. No matter what you've done, said, screwed up, whatever...you're still worth it and you always will be. You have to believe that before anyone else will. It doesn't mean you repeat mistakes or approve of your own poor decisions, it means you accept and build on them. You use them as stepping stones. You don't dwell, and your value doesn't change.

-There are some things you won't understand at the time, but need to accept in time.

-When it comes to dating (most things, really): Don't overthink it, don't hurry, and don't worry. If it's right, it will happen. Whether or not it does the first go-round or at all: if it's meant to be it will be. Nothing truly good gets away.

-Real men (or women) will never make you jealous to feel big. Rather, they'll treat you well enough that it will be other girls/guys who will be jealous of YOU. And as far as jealousy in general, don't embrace it. It's indicative of a bigger issue - address that. If you really feel jealous, either trust isn't there (so you shouldn't be either) or you need to work on yourself a bit, and that's usually best done while solo.

-Listen to things people don't say, as much as you listen to the things they do.

-Actions are everything. And we teach people how to treat us.

-Two incomplete or generally unhappy people don't complete each other, they deplete each other. (Everyone has ups and downs, better times than others, etc, but it's the mentality throughout those times that is defining.) Don't turn to a relationship as an escape - we attract what we are. Make that a good thing.

-This specifically for gals: Don't be afraid to not play by the rules. When all the girls are busy following girl codes and trying to be what they think they're supposed to be (thus losing any sense of personal identity) and whatever else, most of the interesting guys, the ones actually worth knowing anyway, are busy being bored and wishing someone would just break the mold and actually stand out. Maybe not outwardly, or explicitly...but anyone, guy or gal, can notice someone who is real. Quirky, maybe, but real. And that's better than any amount of false-perfection or perfect gracefulness at all times. Shoot, truth? The only guy I ever met from an online dating site upon moving to CA, I met while on crutches and in a massive surgical boot. As such (and because injury = out of shape = clothes wouldn't even fit in the slightest) I also rocked gym type clothes to said date. No choice! And then, I arrived at the place we'd be making dinner over a bonfire to discover that I had to climb down this massive sandhill/cliff thing. Too stubborn to allow for assistance, I instead opted to climb down myself, on crutches. So translation: wipeout/faceplant combo all the way to the bottom. Hot? You know it. (Sarcasm is great.) He was and is a great person, for me the spark just simply wasn't there. I felt badly too because he did try to pursue another rate, etc etc. And I think for a little he was perhaps bummed out that I wasn't into it. But, that side of things worked/works out - my point was/is just to say that I made pretty much THE "worst" first-impression in a dating sense, that one could possibly make as far as the typical "girl rule book" goes, and yet that didn't work against me the way so many girls fear. He still pursued another date (though I didn't go on another because I didn't want to lead anyone on and figured we could be friends when he found another girl and I'd be able to know that I wasn't giving anyone false hope.) I'm happy to say that not long thereafter he met an awesome gal; they've been seriously dating for a long time and they're soon to be engaged, and he would wind up becoming pretty much my first good, "quality" friend in Cali and someone who accepted and encouraged me when I was at real lows and not feeling like myself, esp in a fitness sense. Things work out. Point is: people don't care if you trip, fall, say the wrong thing...it's an ability to laugh at yourself and roll with it that adds sex appeal because it's confidence - of the real type. Be that person, rules and sanctions are overrated. Authenticity is underrated. You won't be right for everyone, but do you really want to be?

-A man will stop at absolutely nothing to get to you, if he is in love with you. It doesn't mean you don't meet half way on things, or that you make someone endlessly "prove" themselves. It does mean that you don't settle for less than everything. Chivalry isn't dead. Likewise, you can love someone who just doesn't return the sentiment. You might still love him, but leave. Love him for the person he is and for helping shape you for the person you're actually meant to be with - because it isn't him. You can't and won't be able to believe that until you force yourself to do what you don't want to do, but need to do because of what you deserve. The sooner you accept hard truths, the sooner you find that for which you actually desire-- or rather, whom.

-Take care of yourself, spiritually and physically. Keep in the company of those with similar mindsets. Be with someone who helps you to be your best; you should be comfortable but not "get" comfortable. Everyone has ups and downs, physically and emotionally. The right person will love you through them, but also know when to be a soft place to land vs when it's time for tough love to get you back to your best self. Recognize these things. Appreciate someone who challenges you - we challenge the people we believe can and will rise to that challenge. It's a compliment.